History is written by the winners.
Which in this case is...[spoiler redacted].
In an ongoing phenomenon in my life, I was the last person on Earth to learn about something hilarious and cool this week: The Great Emu War of 1932.
…in which the Australian government lost a war against emus.
For those unfamiliar with what an emu is, it’s this:
Yes: apparently in 1932, the Australian government told its farmers “Hey, you know what we need? Wheat. If we pay for everything, can you farm us some wheat?” Of course the farmers (god, you know, we could also use a really good play about how farmers are an exploited class…) were like “Hell yes.”
Flash forward to the government changing its mind only after the wheat had been planted. So now there was a f*ckton of wheat just lying around, the farmers aren’t getting paid to do anything about it, and who comes in?
You guessed it: the hungry, hungry emus.
The emus are now eating a bottomless brunch of wheat, and the farmers are overrun by large birds that could genuinely hurt them because they are, as I said: large.
What happens next is wholly predictable: the Australian national pest control wages war against the emus, who are like “Pffffft, yeah RIGHT.” The emus continue to eat wheat. The government calls in the military. The Australian m i l i t a r y discovers, to their horror, that automatic weapons do nothing against emus, because though they cannot fly, emus are allegedly very skilled at dodging bullets. In fact the only emu casualty I heard of was one emu getting stuck under a car’s front bumper and rammed into a fence—by accident.
Eventually…the Australian military retreats. The war is lost. To the emus.
Now.
There is a musical adaptation somewhere out there. And there is a film allegedly being released by John Cleese et al sometime in 2022. (Though…it is October of 2022 as I write this, and so far I have seen/heard nothing to substantiate this rumor.)
What I’m saying is: if anyone knows playwright Simeon Yialeloglou and/or composer James Court (the brains behind the aforementioned musical adaptation), please please please put them in touch with me. Immediately.
Of course I love a silly chapter from history, but even more striking to me is a story about nature winning. Especially winning against machine guns. I wonder if in a story as forehead-slapping and hilarious as this one, could there be even one poignant moment in the whole thing?
I, for one, really love it when great art and great storytelling humbles me.
It would be an honor to be humbled by the mighty, mighty Australian emu.
Reminder: the Philly Cycle is still accepting applications!
Check out my previous post on this opportunity from InterAct Theatre Company (I’m their literary manager!), and spread the news far and wide with your playwright friends! The application window closes at 6:00p ET on Friday, November 11, so there is still plenty of time!
How did I not know about this playwright until now??
Please welcome to the stage…Luz Lorenzana Twigg!
I went on an absolute binge read of her plays (at least the ones available on her NPX pages, linked in the photo caption) and I am totally floored.
Particularly excellent is her adaptation of Electra for as a #metoo story. If you have an hour this weekend to read a great play, start there.
Oh yeah and for all you hapas out there: this is the playwright of our people.